Golden Quotations
Quintessential Quotations
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
Americans always do the right thing, after exhausting all other alternatives.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.
There is nothing in the world that can give man a sense of the infinite like human stupidity.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Memorable Quotes
A day without sunshine is like night.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.
Quotes cards
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.
I was so poor growing up, if I wasn't a boy I'd have nothing to play with.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.k
Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.
In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd.